mmmm~~~

it seems tat i;ve not been updating my blog for such a long time huh````.. well its not tat am busy its just that am too tied up wit lots of things... alot of things that i've been thinking lately... all abt the past and the future.... i dunno wats gonna happen next... am very happy wit my presents life... wat i've been thinking lately is that i've learnt alot of things and experience things.. i've learnt my mistakes.. never to do it again...when i thnk abt my past stuffs... i feel sad at times cause i couldn't change it i would if i cn turn back the time... but wat i can do now is to learn from it and not to do it again....... stuffs frm the past which i had been thinking lately is the relationship thing... enjoyment of my life when i was young and naive at that time.... flirting around but at the end i got myself caught up in the situation...things which i should not do... but all that i put an end to it coz i dun wanna hurt myself more...so at times when i think abt it i'm glad coz now i've changed.. i'm much more wiser i can say.... and i'm very happy wit my new partner soon to be husband....

For my dark past i just wanna ignore it and concentrate on for the future

BORED!! HEADACHE!!!

arrgghh!!! am so bored.. am so freaking bored.... i am freaking bored.. i' having a very bad headache....really bad.. it seems everyday i have headaches... i'm freaking pissed off by it.. sigh.... i an't realy tolerate anything... sigh... but its kinda strange for me to have this frequent headaches... especially when jufri talks to me abt his ex... he's not copmparing me and her but just to inform me that sometimes why he still remembers his ex.... so whenever he talks abt her everytime... i will have headache... really bad one... but after a while when the topic abt her has finished... everything will be bck to normal... but the headache is still there but not as painful when he talks abt her....

she really give me the creeps... it is so spooky.. makes my hair stands whenever i aw her pic.... OMG!~....i just dunno wat happen to me... i'm having headaches everyday... i feeli like i'm an alien iving in this world.... sometimes i feel ike iwanna cry out loud... sometimes i feel so angry and frustrated,,,, at times i feel so helpless and hopeless... i just dunno wat i'm doing rite now.... sometimes i do ask myself.. why am i in this world.. hy am i born to be human... why am i born in singapore and why not some other country,,, al these inds of questions keeps playing in my mind everyday... i just need to find all the answers to all those questions slowly...

LALAALA

hey there.. am here again... i'm kinda bored.... well i'm listening to misteri jam 12 at ria... haha... i'm kinda pengecut.. bukan nye berani sangat.... hehehe.. my bf will be gg for an advenure at the old france embassy building.... sounds kinda spooky...hehehe.. well i'm still not satisfied wit that bitch and the son of the bitch.. how i wish we will take them to kampong wak hassan and leave them there till the next morning.. biar drg pengsan kat situ.. hahha..how i wish but i know its imposibble.. but who cares... i'm gonna make sure we will do that hopefully,.. make them scared out of their shit...hahahahaha.. but before i'll do that i'm sure gonna bash that zai.. i'm so hate him to the max... fuck him man... he's the hypocrite.. he's a one shit ass.... he is a big motherfucker.... well.. i think thAT is all for today... am kinda tired... bye bye

LIAR

hahaha.. wana know something... wel.. there's this gal by the name of shazwana...she really get us to our nerves coz.. she had lied to everyone of us.... kita sume kena tipu dgn dia bulat2.. can u believe it!?!!? oh my OMG!! she told me she was an arab.. then she told boi she was a bugis.. OMG... which is which... she is so stupid... if she wanna lie why must she lie to the wrong people... am i right... dah lah bukan arab.. takde licences.. penipu.. tak kaya ckp kaya... mak bpk tak own business ckp the own business... abg tak own fig and olive ckp abg own that company.. sigh.. penipu penipu... sigh... well.. if she is embarrass to tell us that both if her parents and bro works as canteen vendors the she herself shud not call herself the daughter of her 2 parents... as long as both of them and her bro works for rezeki yg halal.. sigh.. why must u be shy gal.. tak bagos.. dah lah tu.. tipu kita org lak tu...

and abt the guy by the name of zai... sigh.. tu lagi 1 budak tahi!! he really gets in our nerves.. wah .. if i ever gonna see or meet him.. i tell u.. i will bash his bloody face up and make him sujud kat aku nye kaki.. seeking for forgiveness to let him go.. haaha.. i will do something to make him and shazwana regret for the rest of their lives..... if i say i'm gonna do means i'm gonna do.. i will make them suffer... haaha...


SHAZWANA AND ZAI... MMMMM... just wait for my revenge u stupid donkeys... i will make the 2 of u suffer and dun regret... zai zai.. so wat u're famous... u're famous?? u sure.. hahaha... u juz made me laugh... in a hip hop crew konon... sigh.. budak tahi budak tahi... kau dgn shazwana boleh dudok satu bilik... BOM! sama2 makan biji sama2 minum sampai mabok.. sama2 main... sigh... penipu dgn ngapu org kaya and ngapu org famous.. boleh la tu.. sepadan... its ok its alright.. i will seek revenge frm the 2 of them... i won't be sitting around quietly.. i can't...


anyways.. i will make them regret for the rest of their lives... so long sucker!!! i will make the 2 of u suffer like no one does!!!!!!!

sigh~~

hey there... am bored to death today.... i'm bored... wow!! ts been a week i didn't go to work... well shall i say am no longer interested in th compNY... OR shalli say that i dun like to work wit the people there... well.. its all coz of the bloody management which really has got no system... i shall not say i hate the manager.. i just dun like him ... he's racist"!! damn bloody racist!!! he only cares abt chinese!! xhinese..chinese...chinese,... haizz!! well for now i shall let them struggle like hell and dun wanna know abt work anymore... am too wear out abtb it already!!! i will not make myself more stress coz of it!!!


for now wat i'll do is.. i will have to find another job but firstly i will try to look for part time first...well.. without work... i can't pay my bills... can't give some allowance to my mom...i can't go shopping!.. geezzz... but tats ok.... i know... tis is all temporary~~~ i will not be staying permanently tis way~~~
haizz~~


i still remember working at pivot point.. where the boss didn;t care much abt paying the workers salary.... i can still make it.. why not now??? while i have a lil' bit of money.. i can still survive a lil' bit... well... only survive for awhile.... i still need to look for part time... just to keep up on my own...life is very cahallenging as i grow up... i know now~~ i used to think that life is simple and happy... well now sometimes i do feel down and unhappy... its all abt chllenging,,,, this is only a test from HIM.... i will accept it.. but i hope i will not suffer it too long.. coz i dun wanna be lke last time i used to be... 5mths.. no work no money,,, i dun wanna be like that anymore,,,,,,


okies.. i gtg now... i'll write in tomorrow again... see ya!!!

DEAR JUFRI

all in my life all this time where have u been in tru life that i have gone tru as i pray hard to find someone and tha someone found me instead and i thank ful for her for rescuing me from the deep sea and save me from darknes baby i love u from the day i met u and till the day we meet in paradise i love u-----> TIS IS WAT MY DEAR WROTE TO ME... AM SO TOUCHED BY HIS WORDS...

i just dun understand why must they have no thoughts for others.... and why must we human being living in this world face wit problems... and why must we have to go thru wit all this shit.. well.. the answer is lif will be too boring if there's no problem for us to think.. coz God made us humans to live in this beautiful world to think using our brain which was given by him and solve wit it.... but sometimes.. the problem that we are facing is too much..... we can't possibly let loose of it n let go... hmmm... well.. for now i'm gonna pray hard that nothing will happen to my dearie jufri... i love him so much... love him unlike the rest... i dunno why... he's someone who's kinda special to me... he treats me wit respect... its hard for me to find tat kinda man... it is hard coz.. u're not gonna easily find someone who can really know u too well.. till he can read wats in ur mind.. tats the reason y i say he's different frm others and he's one of a kind... i love him alot... if he's gone i really dunno wat i'm gonna do..i dunno diary... i dunno wat gonna happen to me...i do wanna live wit him for the rest of my life... i wanna have his kids.. i wanna be his wife and a mother to his kids... i wanna take care of him...to tell the truth diary... the feeling i have for him is totally different frm wat i had for others..this is not juz a sying.. its the truth..i just pray to ALLAH that my relationship wit him will last till my last breath and i do wanna take care of him for the rest of my life...

RELIEVED

well.. for now i can at least feel relieved a little bit coz i've told everything to my supervisor.. hahahakkzz... i like it!!! yes!! finally i didi it!!! she think she has the right to do that.. i dun think so.. i told jansen tat i dun like her attitude.. she sucks!! she thinks she can be the boss by telling us wat to do.... ha! she's messing wit the wrong person!! for me i dun like to complain abt people.. its just that she has gone too far... my patience level is way too up... i can't stand any longer!! so thats y i told everything to my supervisor abt her!! so wat if she's doing COD.. hahakkzz i dun care as if shes the only one who has alot of wrk to do...from now on am gonna be selfish towards her and am not gonna give way to her... am not going to... trust me.. i will be a bitch for once.. i will.. she have been giving alot of us problem.. she's pain in the neck!! her attitude really makes me dislike her more... the more i see her face... the more i begin to hate her....i know i've shouldn't have done that but... i can't help it.. she's asking it.. so... i'll treat her that way.. am gonna be cold to her... hahakkzz.. so.. ok...i gtg now.. anything i'll update again.. nitezzzzzzzzzz~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hey diary... its another i guess.... am feeling down again today.. its all coz of my ex... he just wanna force me into it again... sigh.. i dun understand why some people just like to force others... for now wat i wanna concentrate is tat i wanna do my very best in my work and make my parents happy... tats all i wanna do... and of coz not forgetting to cherish my own self and my bf jufri... he is such a romantic person.. caring... i love him so much...i find him very loveable kinda person..wat attracted me to him is that he knows how to tell things frm my face.. he knows if am feeling down or sick...he's like someone special,.. tat is brought down to me frm god above... just like an angel.. hahhaakkzz...even though we just met i can feel like we've known each other for such a very long time....am talking for real this time... i know for all this while i'm like wow... he's the one he's the greates.. but for now... am talking it for real...whenever i look up at his face.. am wondering... if we ever met before.. he really looks familiar..hmmm...up till now.. am still wondering... who is he actually.. he looks very very very familiar..hmmm...but whenever i meet him... am happy.. he makes me smile.. he always make my day cheerful...i like... tats why i do love him so much.... hmm... for now my relationship i leave it to the Almighty...if he's really the one for me... Amin.. i will be happy and feels great....for now am gonna concentrate on jufri , work and my family... i want to make them happy as long as i'm still here.. :)

problem after another.......

well.. diary... i dunno if i can stay here in my company longer... coz.. i was backstabbed by someone who is really sweet talk infront of u but then behind u she'll poke a dagger..hmmm... she thought that she is the supervisor who can really tell us wat a dissapointment we have made to make her finish up all the shits tats been left behind...who is she to tell us wat to do... yes i know she's our senior but she is not capable of doing tat kind of instruction...coz she doesn't have any post...so wat if the supervisor adore her... i dun give a damn...she's boasting abt her workload.. yucks!! tats sucks man!! telling us she has to do alot of paperwork.. sigh.. i dun really understand this kind of people... well.. for now me and kak shaz have to wait for kak su's return frm medical leave coz jansen wants to talk to her abt us... hmmmm... i'm wondering wat is it regarding abt...but am for sure its gonna be abt our work... and i know that boastful have been talking abt us to him... i just dunno why she's not happy wit us...hmmm....
k diary i gotta go now coz am getting sleepy... gd nite..

sigh

why can't they understands my feelings? i got engaged just for the sake of getting it only.. i've no feelings for him ever since he shouted at me in public and yes i've been very patience since that day... its not coz of jufri i broke the engagement... its coz i've no interest in him as he himself dun give moral support enuff.... i find tat he's that type of person who likes not to learn new things.. try out new things... shall i say.. he is bodoh sombong... well... i need someone who can really support me frm my bck and knows everything... not only myself.. i want the man whos gonna be with me for the rest of my life.. to know every single thing.. just like my papa... i dun wanna leave wit someone who doesn't know a single thing... i want someone like papa.... tat is y... pertunangan is just not ikatan kawin... its also let both parties know each other well... for me... i've had enuff of his nonsense abt not knowing anything and i've really had enuff...to me am ready to take all the consequences and i know.. people are going to talk behind my back.. i dun care... let them talk all they want... i am really sick and tired of all this matter...yes he did sms me if i still love him... i told him no.. i've no more feelings for him and i will not turn my words... i will not turn my words... yes mama told me that he's gone half way crazy coz i broke wit him... yes i pity him but whos gonna pity me?? all this while i've been keeping silence.. coz i dun wanna let them know wat am feeling...like i said... its not that i broke off wit him coz of someone else..... he's not fit into my criteria... he's not like my papa... i want someone like my papa.. who can fix all things... well as for jufri even though i've known him quite new... it's as though i've known him for long time...he looks so familiar... well.. he is someone like papa... i admit it.. tat i like him... dun get me wrong... its not coz of him tat am not together wit my ex...since before i met jufri i dun have feelings for him...

i just dun seem to understand why people have to talk bad abt othrs while they themselves are not perfect... hmmmm.... i'm just wondering why... well.. for me is that if they really do wanna talk bad abt me.. pls do so... am ok wit it.. am just getting sick and tired of all this... well.. my life and decision is in my hand.. i will go thru it... i will definitely can make it... am sure abt it... i am very sure... rigth now am feeling kinda sad.. bored..unhappy.. and feels like a loser for today.. i just dunno why... hmmm.... all is because of alot of thinking is done.. tats the reason why... wel... diary.. for me... now.. i've found a new love ... and not coz of this new love i wanna called off the thing... its coz tat i can see that this new guy can really take good care of me... it seems like we've known each other for long... and the best thing is that he can read thru my mind and he can know wat i want and needs...well i'm lost for words.. i was actually very scared of him at first..thinking that is he someone that i've known before??
or is he an angel is disguise?? hmmm... but no matter wat it is.. i thank GOD for letting me to get to know him....i feel loved when i'm on by his side... i feels very comfortable...i love him so much diary... i can't really tell my feelings to others except for u diary...i do love him alot... i really do adore him and wanna take care of him for the rest of my life.... i love him so much diary...i love him.. i care for him.. i do wanna spend the rest of my life wit him.... i feel so special when am wit him.... hmmm... and i've promised him that no matter wat.. the 2 of us will go thru thick and thin together.. i dunno diary.. he is someone so special that i dun wanna let him go... it seems like i've known him for years like wat i said earlier...i pray to god that i will be wit him together till death do us apart...

mengapakah , kita sebagai insan kadang kala berasa
diri nya ini tidak berguna??
hidu di dunia ini sungguh hebat cabaran nya...
harus kah kita tempuhi semua cabaran ini dgn penuh kesabaran??
harus kah kita tempuhi nya dgn perlahan??
hisupku kini sebagai seorang yg tidak bermaya..
aku tahu... aku harus tempuhi semua itu...
tapi kadang kala , aku tidak kuat untuk menempungi cabaran ini...
ku tahu , ku harus menyelesai kan nya sedikit demi sedikit...
masalh yg ku hadapi ini bagi ku sunguh berat...
ku harus berfikir tentang masa depan ku ,masa depan keluargaku..
ku ingin mereka semua berasa gembira...
ku tak sanggup melihat mereka berdepan dgn masalah...
ku tidak sanggup melihat mama dan papa ku berasa gelisah..
biarlah aku seorang yg menanggung derita ini...
ku tahu aku tidak dpt memberi kemewahan..
tapi ku tahu ku dpt curah kan kasih sayangku terhadap mereka...
tentang hubungan ku bersam si dia...aku cuma serah kan pada yg maha esa..
ku tidak lagi ingin mengasihani diri org lain kalau diriku sendiri aku tidak kasihan..
buat masa sekarang ini... ku hanya kasihani diriku dan juga kedua papa dan mama ku..
ku tidak sanggup berlembut hati lagi semata-mata hendak menjaga hati nya...
sedangkan diriku ini tidak ada seorang pun yg kasihan...
biarlah apa orang hendak katakan tentang diriku ini...
ku sudah tidak ambil peduli lagi...
ku tahu diriku ini tidak bersalah..
di mata orang aku ini seolah-olah jahat...
biar kan lah....
ku sudah cukup dengan semua tomahan ini,....
ku pasrah...
skg ku hanya ingin tumpuhkan pada kerjaya dan keluarga ku..
dan aku ingin membuat papa dan mama ku bahagia selagi aku berdaya...