miss my home

i miss my home so much actually... whenever i visit my family i dun wish to go bck...i really miss my home alot... miss everyone and everything.. i even miss taking a walk down to the wet market or shops..i just really missed the feeling of being at home... only HE knows how i feel...i really can't wait to be bck home as soon as possible... i missed the surrounding so much that it makes my heart feel so hard to go bck...i still do have another few more mths to go bck home... ohhh i really can't wait for it....

end of the day for me.. last flight royal brunei amd now am heading towars t1 to clock out..
time for me to go home.. hardly for me to go bck as early as 9pm.. anyway for today i will be taking a bus home..
i dun want him to fetch me as i know he is still not happy.. i dun mind.. theres always a public transport... i kinda feel angry.. helpless.. lonely when times come like this...sometimes when i feel this way it makes me think more and somehow i kinda feel down and angry.
i am totally speechless abt everything... abt all the things he said to me.. it makes me feel unwanted and sad.. he keeps repeating it over and over again... i just wish i dun exist in his life... he makes me feel useless and can't be trusted.. i feel very small.. sigh!!
well i guess i live to make him feeling like a fool and fooled him.. thats what he said to me.. i dun care anymore.. sometimes i just feels like living in the world of my own..

why must it alwayd be me all the time... why.. sigh
i am so sick and tired with all thia crap.. i know its my fault
but to hear abt it again and again really get me on my nerves
u dun care abt the 2k payment abt the house.. fine! u dun trust me anymore..
u really dun have the trust in me.. u r getting sick of it.. yes put
all the blame to me.. put everything.. u r the one who is always right in anything..
i am the one who is always the black sheep.. i know u have totally lost trust in me..
i knew it.. i think it is true.. i shouldn't have love u more than myself..
its my mistake that i love u more than myself.. i am stupid to have care for u
and sacrifice myself alot to u... i put u first before me and my family.. i am so stupid..
i am the one who is being foolish and looks like a fool.. i listens to everything u said...
yeah i know u have been telling me u r treated like a fool by me... u keep saying
u dun want to get married to me.. u keep repeating the sentence... this is the 4 th time..
i dunno... if ur wish is true... i am prepared... thnks for everything u have given me... thnks alot.