LONESOME

hi.. i juz wanna write in abt myself.. nobody actually knows the true me.. especially my frens..they can share with me their stories... tell me abt their relationship problems and everything but they themselves have they every ask me whether i am ok or not.... lke i said before there is stories behind in every faces and smile.....that u couldn't really figure out wat is it... for me i have alot of stories behind those laughter , face and smile... deep down in me... i am very hurtful by the way my mother has treated me... its all because of me jobless no job... she starts to humiliate me... cursing and swearing of vulgaraties at me... she will always pick on me... its an everyday routine i can say...i've been through alot not only this... the time when i was sick to death.. i nearly lost my own life...when the time my sis was pregnant... she picks on me.. i was like her punching bag and everything.. i was treated like as if i was a doll at home which she could blow off her temper at me...at one point where my fiancee was really sick and she really wants us to go for some kenduri.. i told her we can't cause my fiancee is really sick.. she told me straight on my face that she hate me.. she hate me for not going to her fren's kenduri... this was wat she told me " AKU BENCI ORG MACAM KAU.. ORG DAH JEMPUT TAK NAK PERGI!! AKU BENCI AH DGN KAU!!" and the saddest part was my fiancee overheard wat she have said to me. and he feels abit hurt as well cause it implies to him as well... i am totally sad with her attitude... she really make me feel so angry and sad... i jus couldn't turn to anyone except for my fiancee.. he's been there for all these years.... my mom and i are not in good terms anymore.... she didn't talk to me even i try my best as a daughter she just put me away frm her sight.... she will not talk nicely to me but to other people's children she will take care and concern... towards me "NO"... i am just being a lonesome daughter where her own mom doesn't care and concern abt her... i still remember the time when i was having really high fever... i can barely stand and walk... she shouted at me to do housework.. she told me not to fake it... only god knows how sick i was back then... my tempreature was 40 degress... she could still went out shopping to buy groceries with my sister and left me at home alone.... to take care of myself... from the wway my mom treat me it teaches me to be strong person... all i can do is now to save up money and get married... nobody knows how hurt i am and sad... most of my frens thought that i dun have any sadness in me... but they are wrong... my fren can tell me that they themselves have big issues... and the big issues are relationship problem.. to me thats bullshit!! the real big issues are having conflicts among ur family members!!!